It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize