Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
