White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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