I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
