You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
