There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
