she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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