guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
