I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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