All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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