turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
