the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
