Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
