Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
