someone get that fucking seahorse.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I love having hate sex.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
