OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
