Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
