btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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