Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
smell my finger.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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