he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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