chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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