Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize