just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Bring me that man meat
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
