i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
