Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
