I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
