I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
