Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
