So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
