He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
