You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
