Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
