and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
