Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
