I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
