remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
