She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
