If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
