How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize