quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
