So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
