He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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