Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
