just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
