never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
