I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize