I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
