Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you win again, gameday.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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