My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
where are you?
Hypothermia
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
