booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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