he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
