She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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