She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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