You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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