the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
