If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
