Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
