at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Im part way to drunk.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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