Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
