Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Actions speak louder than pants.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
