It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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