Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
