I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
