So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
