i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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