I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
