At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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