carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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