my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
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