i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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