I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
In America we eat man semen.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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