I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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