there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
