My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
