Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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