Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
